I spent a lot of time hiding in the kitchen, which gave me a lot of time to make some interesting observations about the way that 18 year old's birthday parties work. Based on these observations, I have formed the following conclusions about what is essential for a good party:
- A robot cake. I'm sure that when I was 18, a cake in the shape of a blue robot would have been slightly nerdy. But apparently, these days robot cakes are in vogue. They also serve the additional function of food for drunk girls.
- Pashing in the toilets. This definitely sounds more similar to my party-going experiences. A bit of gossip really fires up a party.
- Sausages on the barbeque. Serve the dual function of feeding drunk people and providing a man standing over the barbeque for girls to fawn over. In this case, my poor brother.
- A theme. My sister's was "classy". I'm not entirely sure how this translated to a boy dressed like a dominatrix or a girl in ripped pink fishnets and skyscraper stilettos.
- Candles. Fire provides a) excitement when someone sets their sleeve on fire and b) romantic mood lighting for pashing in the toilet (see no. 2).
- Alcohol. Obviously.
- A crying girl. It's not a real party unless one girl starts to cry and several others try to console her while simultaneously shouting at everyone else: "Go AWAY! She just needs some SPACE!"
- A vomiting girl. Ideally she will do it outside in the bushes so there can later be debate about whether or not she actually threw up.
- A noise complaint. You're not playing Katy Perry loud enough if you don't get a visit from noise control at 11.38pm.
Based on these requirements, and the number of teenagers trundling (or staggering) merrily out the door at 2am, I would say my sister's party was a success.
But I guess we should wait until the photos hit Facebook for proof.
