he benefis of unemplomen1

I lost my job the other day.

I've never lost a job before, so it was kind of a new experience, and I hated that job so I wasn't really upset about it, but my boss is a wanker so I was mad on principle.

He *graciously* offered to let me work until the end of the day, so I watched TV online until the accountant handed over my final cheque (yes, they paid me by cheque) then packed up my things, stole a few plastic dogs (the office theme is dogs) and went to have an afternoon beer with a friend.

My colleagues (who also hate their jobs) and I brainstormed a couple of ways I could take revenge, but since most of them involved setting fire to the office or legal proceedings, I decided to just move on with my life and I spent the next few days hiking, sleeping in, going to the beach, and enjoying the sunshine.

However, anyone who has to pay rent knows that this sort of lifestyle is not sustainable and after a week of loving life, I decided it was time to start job hunting.

I started with seek.co.nz and entered my location and my ideal job, only to be told that there aren't any in New Zealand.

I then went to the Victoria University Graduate Career Hub where I was told that my account had been deactivated.

I tried the newspaper too, but since I have no interest in being an adult masseuse I had no luck there either.

I also tried TradeMe, GumTree, LinkdIn and recruitment agencies and I swear I sent out my CV eight billion times.

One week later all I'd had was a rather smarmy rejection letter:

"Thank you for allowing me to consider your credentials for this role. (Since we are superior we will begin by patronising you.)

Our client specified a number of requirements they sought in an ideal candidate and while your background featured many of these, on this occasion several applicants were closer to the client’s specific brief than yourself. (Why did you even bother applying?)

However, we will be glad to keep your resume on our confidential database, and to contact you if suitable opportunities arise. (Sometimes we need someone to wash the dishes after a big smarmy office party. We might call you. If you're lucky.)

Of course it doesn't help that someone spilt mojito on my keyboard the other day so writing cover letters has become an exercise in not using Ts, Ys, or capital letters. And avoiding the backspace. I'm honestly not surprised that I haven't had positive responses to letters that read:

o whom i ma

i am wriing o appl for he posiion of online communicaions edior, because i believe ha i could be a valuable addiion o our eam. firsl, m ediing and proofreading skills are impeccable, as evidenced b m promoion from chief sub edior at salien magazine o news edior for 2011 (a par-ime afer-hours posiion). secondl, alhough i do no have a healh background, i have used famil planning's services for several ears so consider myself relaivel familiar wih hem, and m role a herex as a canine healh wrier strenghened my research and quick comprehension skills. thirdl, m enjomen of working as a eam wih people from a varie of backgrounds and m abili o work o deadlines and under pressure, as experienced as an edior for both prin and broadcas media means ha i am a posiive member of an eam.

i ver much look forward o hearing from ou.

So, here I am, after three years of university, without a functioning laptop, unemployed and looking quite seriously at the flyer my housemate gave me yesterday advertising jobs available for dancers at Dream Girls.