My Housemate Is A Grinch

I love Christmas. Like, really love Christmas.

Unfortunately not everyone in my life feels this way about the best holiday of the year. My housemate, for example, is passively negative about Christmas and refuses to get excited about any of my preparations.

We don't have a lot of room in our house, so our Christmas tree is a huge green tablecloth cut into a tree shape, stuck to the wall, and decorated with paper baubles. Not only did it take him two days to notice the, frankly massive, tree, his comment was "I hope that sellotape isn't going to pull paint off."

I asked if he wanted to do a house Christmas dinner before I left to visit my parents. His response? "Depends. What are you cooking?"

I made Christmas pudding truffles too, and he just didn't understand.
"Did you just put an entire pudding into the blender?"
"Yep - I'm making truffles!"
"Why don't you just eat the pudding?"
"Because I'm going to add chocolate, then roll them into little balls and ice them so they look like little tiny Christmas puddings!!"
"What's the point?"
"They are going to be so cute and Christmassy and festive!" (note the eternal optimism)
"....." *housemate walks away*

Other comments made in the Christmas spirit include:
"Why is there tinsel in the kitchen?"
"Oh God, are you listening to Christmas songs?"
"Carols by Candlelight? You are joking, aren't you?"
And my favourite...
"When are you leaving?"

No, Really, I Saw A Werewolf.

I definitely saw a werewolf yesterday.

I was walking to meet my brother for breakfast and he was walking up the street towards me. At first I thought it was a dark, hairy man, but as he got closer I realised it was a werewolf. He was quite tall and well dressed, and had excellent posture. I didn't want to be rude and stare, so I just acted like it was totally normal to walk past a werewolf on the streets of Wellington.

I texted my brother to tell him about it and his response was " I'm not coming to breakfast if you're stoned."

I was actually beginning to wonder if I had imagined it; then, when I was walking home a few hours later, I SAW HIM AGAIN!

He was walking down my street, with his sharp suit jacket still buttoned up neatly, despite the heat. This time, however, he stopped me, pulled a leaf from a nearby tree, and gave it to me.

I was quite pleased about this little gift, and rushed home to tell my housemates about my run-in with the gentleman werewolf and when they didn't believe me I showed them the leaf to prove it.

I sometimes think they regret asking me to move in.

Things That Make Me Irrationally Nervous

Being The Only Passenger On A Bus
Partly related to a book I read as a kid in which a school bus is hijacked by a man who pretends to be the driver and drops most of the kids off then kidnaps the last few, and partly because I feel awful that the driver is driving all that way just for me; I almost feel like if I wasn't there he could just bunk off and go home. Either way, it makes me uncomfortable.

Cockroaches
I don't know what it is about these disgusting little creatures, but they are the only harmless thing that can leave me huddled on the kitchen table paralysed with fear. And yes, that actually happened.

Really Girly Girls
I'll never be a real girl, and I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I always look like I've been dragged through a bush backward and have the maternal instincts of a cardboard box. But there is something disconcerting about girls who have perfect hair, flawless makeup and outfits that don't look like they were put together by the Salvation Army. How do they do it? How do they find time to drink beer and play Nintendo when they must spend so long just looking like that??
I had a friend in high school whose make up bag weighed more than my dog. Actually. And it scared me.

Being In Bars Alone
Nothing to do with personal safety, this is related to the fact that being alone in a bar is a sign of a 'woman of ill-repute' (my mom's words) and, were I to step foot in a bar alone, I might slowly sink into a pit of drinking alone, drugs, poor hygiene and inevitably death.

Disneyland
I went once and it was amazing. Best day of my life! It was just perfect and a part of me wants to go back, but another part of me realises that no matter how hard I try to recapture that perfect day there is no way it can live up to my expectations and I will be crushed by the weight of my own disappointment and the knowledge that the best of my life is over and nothing will ever be good again. It's a crippling fear.

Who Needs Men When You Have iPods To Provide Similar Dilemmas

My iPod nano died the other day. It was working fine on the way to work - I was on the bus singing away to country music merrily - then when I tried to drown out the sounds of my co-workers arguing about the merits of soap versus vinegar as a personal cleansing agent (no, really), it just wouldn't turn on.

I pressed all the buttons many times, and plugged it in, then unplugged it, then plugged it in again, then gave it to my workmate (the one not embroiled in a vicious soap vs. vinegar argument) to fix, then talked to it nicely, then just gave up and threw it against a wall. Fuckit.

I grieved; iPnod (a special nickname I had for him) and I had been friends for almost four years. With his jaunty little blue jacket he had accompanied me around the world and back again several times. He'd been there when I needed to listen to The Used at high volume and sob without waking housemates. He had entertained me while I worked as a filing wench and while I sat on the tube for hours at a time. He'd cheered me up while I walked in the rain, and added an extra sparkle to the sun. He'd put up with my terrible taste in music, and my experimental phases. He'd even played solitaire with me. And now he was gone.

I wondered how I was ever going to move on from this terrib - oh wow look they just released iPod Touch 4!!

Okay, what can I say - I'm easily distracted and my grieving heart healed quickly. I did the math and decided that I could definitely not afford a new iPod Touch. So I went and bought one.

It's amazing! It does everything! I can Facebook, Skype and Tweet! I have a calendar and a notebook and TWO cameras! I have stocks, Youtube and Maps! I can watch videos, surf the internet and read books! Oh, and it's an mP3 player as well. Which is cool. (And no, apple did not sponsor this post)

Anyway, about a week after I'd bought it, I started hearing this weird noise in my room. Like, a beeping noise. Maybe what a lost electronic sheep would sound like. I went hunting, and found my iPod nano, in the drawer I'd tossed it in, blinking intermittently as if to say 'look! I'm alive! Let's be friends again!'

I was torn. My iPnod and I had had such good times together. But he'd left me broken hearted. And now that I had my new friend the iPod touch, all of a sudden he was back in my life? I felt like he didn't really want to be with me, but he definitely didn't want another iPod in my life. And my new iPod is amazing (as mentioned above), but the iPnod is just so...familiar. Our relationship is comfortable and full of good memories.

In the end I decided to stick with my new iPod. I just feel like he offers a lot more possibilities for the future, you know? But I still have iPnod sitting on my bedside table. I couldn't bear to actually get rid of him just yet. It's nice to have a backup.

On a side note, this EXACT same thing happened to my housemate, except the iPods were men.